Ladies, how long would you wait? Gents, don't do it because you feel pressured. Marriage is overrated. Love is Love.
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comments:
Anonymous
said...
It's only deemed overrated because its stylish and sexy to say it is...in a city that I love but one that is filled with hot people conveniently and irronically it
like D said love is love. marriage doesnt confirm a persons love for another. ppl are too insecure if they feel the need to be married as a validation of certain emotions.
a guy shouldnt be compelled to marry a person or rush into a marriage. you rush any process and usually the end result isnt the optimal outcome.
great reality check regarding how long j & b's process took.
I NOW agree with D. We are brought up in a society in which marriage is one of the "must haves" in our lives. I trully believe that if the love is strong enough to maintain a relationship, then a ring should'nt have to justify it. going around showing off your ring is a great feeling, but not having an answer for "why are you guys getting married?" is not as nice.
I loved this video. You ask how long a woman would wait to put a ring on it...well, i'm going on 6 years and i foresee another 5 to 6 years before marriage is a possibility. Does it bother me? Yep, i won't lie, it does but I ask myself why does it bother me and it seems there's no logical answer for this except for an emotional desire and want to have a truly committed relationship in the legal and spiritual sense. Don't get me wrong, i'm in a very committed relationship but in my eyes and the eyes of my bf, marriage is a whole different level. Also, I'm nearly 30 and since I don't expect to be married for at least 5 more years, I worry about my ability to have healthy babies will long be gone. I've talked about this with the man and we've agreed that marriage is not an option right now. And for me, I'm willing to wait and have even convinced myself that if marriage doesn't happen, it wouldn't be a strong enough reason to end our relationship. I think marriage in the right context along with careful discussion and evaluation of each person's expectations, values, and goals of married life, is a beautiful and fulfilling experience. Such a committment should be viewed kind of like a business because you're bridging two lives and two humans together..why the heck would you just jump into that because you feel like you should? Romance, love, and committment is far from a consistent fairy tale, but when you and another person grow together, inspire each other, hold one another up, and love each other in spite of all one's flaws, faults, mistakes, and human qualities, that sort of connection with someone is one of the most empowering and soul filling aspects of being a human. I think marriage has been devalued in this country and perhaps globally since so many for whatever reasons have been unable to make it work. I think if couples were to seriously consider what marriage entails rather than trusting their emotions and love as the glue that'll hold them together, the divorce rate would be lower and maybe so many wouldn't feel so jaded about marriage. I don't believe marriage is a dirty word and something to avoid. Despite the statistics, I think marriage is filled with amazing potential but is not right for everyone and certainly something a couple shouldn't rush into, and most definitely not something anyone should be pressured into.
1) D is right DON'T rush into marriage because you feel pressured or rushed to do it, or because you think your eggs/sperm are drying out. This goes for guys and ladies, because sometimes it's the guy trying to lock it down and the girl isn't there yet. BUT ladies, and guys I suppose, if you have been together a while and your partner is not trying to put a ring on it, ask yourself, and your partner, why not? And if you don't get a good answer, based on the reality of who you and your partner are, and how you have defined the priorities of your relationship, THEN maybe you can start the count down to the breakdown. Because if you're partner's reasons for delaying marriage, or not pursuing it at all, don't work for you both, given you BOTH are supposedly sure you want to spend your lives together, then at some point you have to make a choice about what is right for you going forward. But honestly I think that most people, especially in our generation are just plain scared to get married because all we ever heard about growing up is divorce, rarely did we see or hear about the happy functioning, faithful married couples, particularly ones of color. All we ever hear was 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, you don't have to get married to show you love someone so why do it, it's an archaic institution anyway that strips you of your freedom, nobody I know is married and the ones I do know are divorced or cheating, or my parents never married/got divorced so why should I even try. When the reality is yes, those things happen for some people and that is unfortunate, but that is on them, and that is not everyone. The way your marriage works out is all about what you and your partner do, no one else. So not believing in even the possibly of a happy marriage is not believing in you and your partners' commitment, plain and simple. Everybody wants to get married only if it is a sure thing, when the reality of marriage, and everything else in life, is it's never a sure thing. Just waking up everyday is taking a leap of faith because you believe that maybe today can be better than yesterday and that if not, maybe you can do better tomorrow. Marriage is about making a commitment and taking a leap of faith with someone who you have put in the work to know is worth it and is willing to put in the same work that you are. That's not to say everybody should or has to get married, but if your reasons for not doing it are questionable, maybe take a good hard realistic look at yourself and your relationship and see what falls out. If you are scared you can't turn a hoe (male or female) into a housewife (or husband), or a baby daddy into a father, maybe you should ask why you shacked up with a hoe in the first place, or dropped your pants for the dude yet again. Because when you get down to it, every married couple, successful or failed, has been through a lot of the same stuff, just some chose to work through it, and others chose to part ways. It is true that you don't have to put a ring on a finger to show you love someone, and that putting a ring on it also doesn't mean you love it, but please look at marriage for what it is, just another step in a growing relationship, but also another opportunity to make your relationship in to something even more beautiful than what it is. But all that said, don't buy into all the flowery bullshit, yes marriage is beautiful and meaningful and all that, but it is also a lot of work, so if you're not up to it, don't wast your or your partners time and money just to push up the divorce rate and scare off even more people. That said, do the same for parenting, don't just be poppin 'em out for your own entertainment, pop a fuckin pill sometimes. Geez. hehehe
Can I also offer: Beyonce makes great songs that woman can relate to. I don't think they're meant to inspire women into action more so than to give women who've gone through a similar situation a feeling that they're not alone, (i.e. irreplaceble which made many deadbeat men uncomfortable).
How long would you wait...it DOESN'T matter!
If you want to be married and your mate doesn't then leave. I just don't think there's any sense in wasting one's time if you don't essentially want the same things. Regardless of why you want to get married. If you know that's something you want and he doesn't, I wouldn't recommend sticking around hoping to change his mind. I've never seen that work.
Who cares how long it took Jay and B to get married. We don't know whose decision that was to wait. She IS still in her 20s and has a very bustling career remember. She coulda been the one holding it off for all we know.
Marriage doens't matter if you both are in love and simply want to be together. But both people need to be okay with that or someone will always feel like they're getting the shaft.
I think about that sometimes when I start getting serious with a guy because I DON'T want to get married and I'm not tryna waste anyone's time.
More importantly, D when are u gonna put a ring on it?!!! HAHAHA
I don't really expect you to answer that I'm just messin with you.
We waited 10 years! Getting married was the most beautiful moment in my life!
My husband and I didn't need to validate our relationship with marriage, like Diony said "Love is Love!" Nonetheless, getting married was amazing!
Only someone who is not married would say that marriage is overrated! I only say this, because I was one of them.
Marriage does not seal the deal...commitment does! If you really and I mean really love someone, you are going to WANT to commit! With that said, I want to end with "I LOVE MY HUSBAND!" He waited for me for 10 years!
8 comments:
It's only deemed overrated because its stylish and sexy to say it is...in a city that I love but one that is filled with hot people conveniently and irronically it
marriage is oveerrayed
like D said love is love. marriage doesnt confirm a persons love for another. ppl are too insecure if they feel the need to be married as a validation of certain emotions.
a guy shouldnt be compelled to marry a person or rush into a marriage. you rush any process and usually the end result isnt the optimal outcome.
great reality check regarding how long j & b's process took.
I NOW agree with D. We are brought up in a society in which marriage is one of the "must haves" in our lives. I trully believe that if the love is strong enough to maintain a relationship, then a ring should'nt have to justify it. going around showing off your ring is a great feeling, but not having an answer for "why are you guys getting married?" is not as nice.
I loved this video. You ask how long a woman would wait to put a ring on it...well, i'm going on 6 years and i foresee another 5 to 6 years before marriage is a possibility. Does it bother me? Yep, i won't lie, it does but I ask myself why does it bother me and it seems there's no logical answer for this except for an emotional desire and want to have a truly committed relationship in the legal and spiritual sense. Don't get me wrong, i'm in a very committed relationship but in my eyes and the eyes of my bf, marriage is a whole different level. Also, I'm nearly 30 and since I don't expect to be married for at least 5 more years, I worry about my ability to have healthy babies will long be gone. I've talked about this with the man and we've agreed that marriage is not an option right now. And for me, I'm willing to wait and have even convinced myself that if marriage doesn't happen, it wouldn't be a strong enough reason to end our relationship. I think marriage in the right context along with careful discussion and evaluation of each person's expectations, values, and goals of married life, is a beautiful and fulfilling experience. Such a committment should be viewed kind of like a business because you're bridging two lives and two humans together..why the heck would you just jump into that because you feel like you should? Romance, love, and committment is far from a consistent fairy tale, but when you and another person grow together, inspire each other, hold one another up, and love each other in spite of all one's flaws, faults, mistakes, and human qualities, that sort of connection with someone is one of the most empowering and soul filling aspects of being a human. I think marriage has been devalued in this country and perhaps globally since so many for whatever reasons have been unable to make it work. I think if couples were to seriously consider what marriage entails rather than trusting their emotions and love as the glue that'll hold them together, the divorce rate would be lower and maybe so many wouldn't feel so jaded about marriage. I don't believe marriage is a dirty word and something to avoid. Despite the statistics, I think marriage is filled with amazing potential but is not right for everyone and certainly something a couple shouldn't rush into, and most definitely not something anyone should be pressured into.
Well DD,
I think my comments would be:
1) D is right DON'T rush into marriage because you feel pressured or rushed to do it, or because you think your eggs/sperm are drying out. This goes for guys and ladies, because sometimes it's the guy trying to lock it down and the girl isn't there yet. BUT ladies, and guys I suppose, if you have been together a while and your partner is not trying to put a ring on it, ask yourself, and your partner, why not? And if you don't get a good answer, based on the reality of who you and your partner are, and how you have defined the priorities of your relationship, THEN maybe you can start the count down to the breakdown. Because if you're partner's reasons for delaying marriage, or not pursuing it at all, don't work for you both, given you BOTH are supposedly sure you want to spend your lives together, then at some point you have to make a choice about what is right for you going forward. But honestly I think that most people, especially in our generation are just plain scared to get married because all we ever heard about growing up is divorce, rarely did we see or hear about the happy functioning, faithful married couples, particularly ones of color. All we ever hear was 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, you don't have to get married to show you love someone so why do it, it's an archaic institution anyway that strips you of your freedom, nobody I know is married and the ones I do know are divorced or cheating, or my parents never married/got divorced so why should I even try. When the reality is yes, those things happen for some people and that is unfortunate, but that is on them, and that is not everyone. The way your marriage works out is all about what you and your partner do, no one else. So not believing in even the possibly of a happy marriage is not believing in you and your partners' commitment, plain and simple. Everybody wants to get married only if it is a sure thing, when the reality of marriage, and everything else in life, is it's never a sure thing. Just waking up everyday is taking a leap of faith because you believe that maybe today can be better than yesterday and that if not, maybe you can do better tomorrow. Marriage is about making a commitment and taking a leap of faith with someone who you have put in the work to know is worth it and is willing to put in the same work that you are. That's not to say everybody should or has to get married, but if your reasons for not doing it are questionable, maybe take a good hard realistic look at yourself and your relationship and see what falls out. If you are scared you can't turn a hoe (male or female) into a housewife (or husband), or a baby daddy into a father, maybe you should ask why you shacked up with a hoe in the first place, or dropped your pants for the dude yet again. Because when you get down to it, every married couple, successful or failed, has been through a lot of the same stuff, just some chose to work through it, and others chose to part ways. It is true that you don't have to put a ring on a finger to show you love someone, and that putting a ring on it also doesn't mean you love it, but please look at marriage for what it is, just another step in a growing relationship, but also another opportunity to make your relationship in to something even more beautiful than what it is. But all that said, don't buy into all the flowery bullshit, yes marriage is beautiful and meaningful and all that, but it is also a lot of work, so if you're not up to it, don't wast your or your partners time and money just to push up the divorce rate and scare off even more people. That said, do the same for parenting, don't just be poppin 'em out for your own entertainment, pop a fuckin pill sometimes. Geez. hehehe
Wow! Where do I begin.....
Yolanda and Blackominican so much insight.
Can I also offer: Beyonce makes great songs that woman can relate to. I don't think they're meant to inspire women into action more so than to give women who've gone through a similar situation a feeling that they're not alone, (i.e. irreplaceble which made many deadbeat men uncomfortable).
How long would you wait...it DOESN'T matter!
If you want to be married and your mate doesn't then leave. I just don't think there's any sense in wasting one's time if you don't essentially want the same things. Regardless of why you want to get married. If you know that's something you want and he doesn't, I wouldn't recommend sticking around hoping to change his mind. I've never seen that work.
Who cares how long it took Jay and B to get married. We don't know whose decision that was to wait. She IS still in her 20s and has a very bustling career remember. She coulda been the one holding it off for all we know.
Marriage doens't matter if you both are in love and simply want to be together. But both people need to be okay with that or someone will always feel like they're getting the shaft.
I think about that sometimes when I start getting serious with a guy because I DON'T want to get married and I'm not tryna waste anyone's time.
More importantly, D when are u gonna put a ring on it?!!! HAHAHA
I don't really expect you to answer that I'm just messin with you.
We waited 10 years! Getting married was the most beautiful moment in my life!
My husband and I didn't need to validate our relationship with marriage, like Diony said "Love is Love!" Nonetheless, getting married was amazing!
Only someone who is not married would say that marriage is overrated! I only say this, because I was one of them.
Marriage does not seal the deal...commitment does! If you really and I mean really love someone, you are going to WANT to commit! With that said, I want to end with "I LOVE MY HUSBAND!" He waited for me for 10 years!
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